


Like The Walls Aren't There

by Little_Ironi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Minor The Doctor/River Song, Stormcage Containment Facility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-01-25 15:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21358234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Ironi/pseuds/Little_Ironi
Summary: "River Song could walk in and out of the prison like the walls aren't there."But what about the poor souls who have to guard her?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	Like The Walls Aren't There

By the 51st century, the law had become much more universal with entire galaxies and multiple time periods under the same jurisdiction. Therefore, prisons had inevitably evolved to cope with the demands that produced. At times, entire planets were made into prisons. Once such facility was Stormcage Containment Facility. It was a prison of the highest security, housing many of the most dangerous and elusive prisoners. Stormcage had a reputation. It was notoriously difficult to break out of. In fact, it was almost impossible. Very few of its prisoners even consider escaping. And of those who did consider it, fewer even attempt. Most of these attempts were unsuccessful and even the very rare successful attempts usually ended up with the fugitive dead or nearly dead as a result of their escape. Stormcage had a reputation. And it had no trouble maintaining it.

Until one River Song arrived. For about a week, it’s business as usual. They don’t suspect a thing. She’s unusually cheerful for a convicted murderer and war criminal but psychopaths never were very predictable. 

Then she escapes. It takes them a while to notice it, because they don’t expect it. Not many people even attempt to escape Stormcage, let alone without taking months to plan and prepare for it. When they finally realize, they worry and panic. Of course, who wouldn’t. A war criminal and murderer was at large. And they had been responsible for keeping her under lock and key. They try to track her down but she’s gone without a trace. The interplanetary police are notified and entire armies are put on high alert.

A few days later, one of the guards find her in her cell going about her business, as if she never left. Of course, a full investigation is conducted to work out how and why she escaped. They find answers for neither of the questions. They also want to know how and why she came back. But if they can't find answers for the first two questions, they can't even begin to attempt the second two.

They increase the security. If it was almost impossible to escape before, it had to be so much closer to impossible now. They don't realize that River Song sees impossible as a challenge and she sees almost impossible as an invitation.

Before long, she's gone again. They still have no answers. Not even a clue. Entire galaxies go on high alert. There has to be some kind of plan in action. Stormcage isn't the kind of place people just break out of for fun. And to do it a second time... There has to be some kind of scheme.

Without warning, she was back again. Guards were stationed outside her cell, yet they don't see her enter. They only notice her once she's already in her cell. Another investigation is conducted. Still they get no answers. They call her in for questioning. She is entirely unperturbed. She acts as if they had just invited her for tea. In fact, she orders tea as soon as she enters the room. She answers most questions with answers that don't make sense or answers they don't understand or worse, with just one word: "spoilers". But she answers one question very clearly:

"Why did you come back?"

"Free rent, food and bills. I couldn't get a better deal if I tried."

They don't have a response for this.

They reinforce the security again. They station guards outside her cell permanently. More money gets funnelled into Stormcage than they have in centuries. They think, surely she won't be able to escape now.

They are wrong. She's gone again. They follow the protocols for an escape but, this time, they don't expect anything. But they hear rumours of her arriving in a blue police box on the furthest moon of Adova Troxia. They dismiss these immediately. There's only one person who has such a vehicle and that person was killed by River Song.

They hold a meeting about her. No one is quite sure about the purpose of the meeting. They don't know whether they want to discuss how she escaped, or how to bring her back or what to do if she returns again. So they try to discuss it all. They achieve nothing useful. But dozens of theories on how she escaped are thrown around. All of them are shot down. They still have no answers. They examine her cell. They find no means of escape. But they notice that there's more clothes in her wardrobe than there used to be. And perhaps more than the wardrobe should be able to hold.

This time when she returns, no one is really surprised. They contemplate improving the security again. But they don't know if it would be worth the money. They don't know if it would even help to keep her inside Stormcage. Out of curiosity, a guard asks where she was. She gushes about the date she went on with her husband. He dutifully reports this, in the hopes of being useful. It sounds ridiculous that someone would break out of a place like Stormcage for a date. But they don't really know what to make of River Song any more, if they ever did. They don't know whether they believe her. But even if they did, they wouldn't know which husband to question.

Life carries on as normal, until she escapes again. And that's starting to feel quite normal as well. They hold another meeting. More theories are considered and dismissed. Someone from the back of the room suggests it would probably be better for them all if she didn't return again. There's silence in the room as they all contemplate the truth in this statement. If nothing else, it would probably be better for their reputation. There would be far fewer escapes. Someone makes the suggestion that they should transfer her to another prison. Despite their reluctance, they all agree it might be a good idea.

And of course, River Song returns. They send requests to all the high security prisons they can think of. They cite reaching capacity and funding issues as their reasons for the request. Their requests are all denied. The news of River Song's escapes had already spread. No other prison wants to risk their reputation.

When she leaves again, they don't know what to do. They are entirely out of options. They wonder if they should even alert anyone. In the end, they alert the police. For very little other reason than to follow protocols. Other than that, they carry on as normal. They know she will be back. And if she doesn't come back, it wouldn't be so bad. But she returns days later telling stories of impossible adventures. Then she escapes again, and again, and again.

They don't know who makes the decision, but at some point they stop alerting the police each time and instead wait for her to return instead. They learn to expect her escapes and her return. Not the whens or the hows but the certainty of it. They don't quite know when it begins, but it becomes a tradition to station the new recruits outside River's cell. Something of a rite of passage. All the recruits go in with a full briefing on River and her many escapes, but they're mostly young and confident, and convince themselves that they can stop her, when all those before had failed. And all of them fail, with some amusing results. And before they know it, River becomes more of a quirk of the prison than an actual prisoner. Sure she's a war criminal with a reputation and rap sheet as bad as, if not worse than, any other prisoner. But can you really call someone a prisoner when you have no way to imprison them?

And so life goes on at Stormcage Containment Facility. Their reputation has changed somewhat but the complete unwillingness of all the other prisons to take River Song off their hands speaks volumes. So, it's almost impossible to escape Stormcage, unless you're River Song. But to be honest, can you really call what River Song does an escape when she does it quite so often and with no apparent effort? Or when she doesn't even consider Stormcage a prison, but rather something of a free hotel. It's not quite the reputation they had before, but it's one they can live with or, at any rate, one they must live with. River Song spends as much time out of Stormcage as she does in, perhaps more out than in, if you consider the rumours of her time travel.

When the Church requests assistance from River Song, no one in Stormcage puts up any of the resistance they do when they usually receive request to allow prisoners out of Stormcage. If River Song wants to leave, she'll go whether they sign off on it or not. They merely filled out the required forms and resolved to enjoy the brief period of time when they didn't have to worry about prisoners escaping Stormcage. There's talk of a pardon if she successfully completes the mission that the Church wants her for. They wait in hopes that the reputation of Stormcage could be restored once more.

The next time anyone hears from River Song, it's when she hails a passing ship from the deserted home planet of the Aplan, Alfava Metraxis. There is no one from the Church with her. Her only companions are the man she murdered and a woman who the scans identify as River Song's mother. Of course, there's no mention of her parents in any of the records about about River Song. And, as for the man, even if the rumours are to be believed, that River Song was his wife, the Mainframe only knows, why he's one of her only two companions on his deserted planet. Her companions vanish before anyone could ask them any questions. And more confusing still, there's no records of any one supervising her on this mission. The Church is never that careless, but no one could give details of who was sent to supervise her. The forms and systems that should contain the details of River Song's outing are mostly empty. As are the memories of those who should have attended meeting on matters such as this. There are protocols for when those who had a prisoner in their custody were lax in their handling and supervision of the prisoner. However, even if they had been brave enough to reprimand the Church, they know better than to try to hold someone else responsible for the actions of River Song. The rumoured pardon vanishes. It's hard to judge whether River Song had completed her mission successfully when no one can quite remember what that mission was.

And so life carries on at Stormcage. River Song walks in and out as if Stormcage was a spa not a prison. But no one questions it. When she comes back dancing from dates with her husbands or wives, they don't try to work out where or when she was or who she was with. When she's in her cell, kissing the man, whose murder she's in that very cell for, they shrug it off as his business whether his kisses his eventual killer or not. When she returns chased by a platoon of Judoon, they merely hope that they don't have much to clean up once they're gone. When she comes back and the scanners say she's younger than when she left, they don't investigate the discrepancy. When rulers, scientists, politicians, healers, warriors and others come from distant places and times both known and unknown, they merely fill out the forms and let them through without question or the usual security checks. If sometimes there's more than one River Song in her cell, they just make sure that they serve however many meals are needed to her cell. And if her cell sometimes vanishes out of existence, they just wait for it to return when she does. And if her cell starts looking bigger than the others, bigger than the walls and the architecture should allow, then it's just another fact of life.

So when the news arrives that River Song's crime is pardoned perhaps it's unexpected but they're not really shocked. They know better than to be shocked at anything involving River Song. Even the news that the reason for the pardon is that the crime had been deemed impossible for her to have committed because the man she was supposed to have murdered did not even exist, doesn't really shock them. Sure, that's not a reason they've ever heard before, but no one could ever accuse River Song of being quite so ordinary.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Moffat Appreciation Day 2019
> 
> This story originally began as my answer to "Favourite Doctor" for Moffat Appreciation Week a while ago.
> 
> I've always found some of the most interesting stories about the Doctor are told from the point of view of someone who doesn't travel with the Doctor. Someone who's following time in a normal linear way whilst the Doctor pops in and out of time as if chronology was for other people.
> 
> River Song has found time and space more malleable to her will than the Doctor ever did. And so those guarding her at Stormcage, with the responsibility of making sure that she stays in the same time and place, would always find themselves with no real way of fulfilling their duty.
> 
> And so this is one of my most favourite types of Doctor stories, written about my favourite Doctor.


End file.
